"At the end of life, we'll find that the only things we lost were those we tried to keep."
Because those things we deem significant are those that we hold on to. Only the things that matter to us are what we consider losses when gone.
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Thursday, January 27, 2011
On Anger
"Anger is just a cowardly extension of sadness.
It's a lot easier to be angry at someone than to tell them you're hurt."
I was sent this text message by a friend and my first thought was: denial. I said, that sometimes this happens because you're in denial about being affected by something. You do not admit to others, to the person involved, or even to yourself that you are hurt. Instead, you get mad. As the statement tells us: it is a cowardly extension of sadness.
It's a lot easier to be angry at someone than to tell them you're hurt."
I was sent this text message by a friend and my first thought was: denial. I said, that sometimes this happens because you're in denial about being affected by something. You do not admit to others, to the person involved, or even to yourself that you are hurt. Instead, you get mad. As the statement tells us: it is a cowardly extension of sadness.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
More Than Just An Option
Last December, two of my friends both sent me a text message. Somehow, I related to it and so I'd like to share it here.
"If someone wants to be part of your life, they'd make an effort to be in it. So don't bother reserving a space in your heart for someone who doesn't make an effort to stay."
"If you spend too long holding on to the one who treats you like an option, you'll miss finding the one who treats you like a priority."
I'd just like to relate this to those people who hold on to someone even if that someone is treating you like poop. It's when you feel like in your relationship, all the effort is coming from you. You need him to make an effort but you guess he's too busy with important things so you let it pass, but then the next time it happens, you start whining again how he's not treating you right but hey, you're still with him.
One question though: Aren't you important to him too?
One of my older friends once told me that this shouldn't be a problem. In a REAL relationship, there is no need to be a so-called "martyr". Because in a REAL loving relationship, there should be give-and-take. Okay, given that he indeed is so busy, he should still at least be able to allocate even just a little time to inform you what he's doing. Even if it's just to say he's busy with whatever and that he misses you.
So yes, if that person doesn't treat you like you're a priority, then what are you still doing in his life?
If he wants you, he'll reach out to you. If he wants to see you, he'll find a way. If he wants to spend time with you, he'll make time. But of course, this works both ways. This doesn't mean the guy is the only one who will make an effort. As I said, give-and-take relationship.
Loving means giving without expecting for anything in return. But if you are in a relationship, it is given that both of you love each other. Thus, both of you should give.
"If someone wants to be part of your life, they'd make an effort to be in it. So don't bother reserving a space in your heart for someone who doesn't make an effort to stay."
"If you spend too long holding on to the one who treats you like an option, you'll miss finding the one who treats you like a priority."
I'd just like to relate this to those people who hold on to someone even if that someone is treating you like poop. It's when you feel like in your relationship, all the effort is coming from you. You need him to make an effort but you guess he's too busy with important things so you let it pass, but then the next time it happens, you start whining again how he's not treating you right but hey, you're still with him.
One question though: Aren't you important to him too?
One of my older friends once told me that this shouldn't be a problem. In a REAL relationship, there is no need to be a so-called "martyr". Because in a REAL loving relationship, there should be give-and-take. Okay, given that he indeed is so busy, he should still at least be able to allocate even just a little time to inform you what he's doing. Even if it's just to say he's busy with whatever and that he misses you.
So yes, if that person doesn't treat you like you're a priority, then what are you still doing in his life?
If he wants you, he'll reach out to you. If he wants to see you, he'll find a way. If he wants to spend time with you, he'll make time. But of course, this works both ways. This doesn't mean the guy is the only one who will make an effort. As I said, give-and-take relationship.
Loving means giving without expecting for anything in return. But if you are in a relationship, it is given that both of you love each other. Thus, both of you should give.
Monday, January 10, 2011
On Marriage and On Upbringing
I watched The Bottomline with Boy Abunda last Saturday. The guest was Miss Angel Aquino. During their interview/conversation, Boy Abunda asked Angel if she was ready to settle down or get married with her current boyfriend. She said something like: Alam naman niya (the boyfriend) na I don't need a man in my life. .. As long as two people are going in the same direction at nagkakaintindihan sila, I think there's no need for marriage. [He knows that I don't need a man in my life. .. As long as two people are going in the same direction and they understand each other, I think there's no need for marriage.]
What Angel was trying to say is she doesn't need those "official" wedding / marriage vows. Most people would definitely disagree, knowing Filipinos since it is in the culture to get married.
Boy mentioned that one reason people want to get married is because they need security. I'm not saying that all people who get married are insecure. Sometimes, it's just what they are used to. Culture, as I was saying.
I admit, I admire those people who don't get married because most of the time it shows they are secure in their relationship with their partner. They do not fear of the possibility that their partner might leave them. As for me, I'm quite the insecure type so I would definitely want to get married when I'm older. I also don't want my future children to be illegitimate. (And also because I want to experience that big white wedding.)
Based on the conversation they had, I think one reason Angel does not want to get married is because of what she went through when she was a child. They were her father's second (or third?) family, and she often saw her mother being battered by her father. And in her younger years, she thought that was normal. It was narrated that sometimes her father's other families or kids would stay in their house. She also did not question since her mother did not really say much.
I told my mother about this and she told me about how a person becomes how he is. She said that 80% is on upbringing (family), 10% is peers and/or external environment, and 10% is the person's life decisions.
A family's upbringing is very important. From ages 4-9, this is the most critical stage in a child's life. What he learns from this stage is mostly what will influence how he will be in life.
As what we learned in our earlier Values and Social Studies classes, the family is the basic unit of the society. No family is perfect, but at least it can strive to be a good place for the child to grow in.
What Angel was trying to say is she doesn't need those "official" wedding / marriage vows. Most people would definitely disagree, knowing Filipinos since it is in the culture to get married.
Boy mentioned that one reason people want to get married is because they need security. I'm not saying that all people who get married are insecure. Sometimes, it's just what they are used to. Culture, as I was saying.
I admit, I admire those people who don't get married because most of the time it shows they are secure in their relationship with their partner. They do not fear of the possibility that their partner might leave them. As for me, I'm quite the insecure type so I would definitely want to get married when I'm older. I also don't want my future children to be illegitimate. (And also because I want to experience that big white wedding.)
Based on the conversation they had, I think one reason Angel does not want to get married is because of what she went through when she was a child. They were her father's second (or third?) family, and she often saw her mother being battered by her father. And in her younger years, she thought that was normal. It was narrated that sometimes her father's other families or kids would stay in their house. She also did not question since her mother did not really say much.
I told my mother about this and she told me about how a person becomes how he is. She said that 80% is on upbringing (family), 10% is peers and/or external environment, and 10% is the person's life decisions.
A family's upbringing is very important. From ages 4-9, this is the most critical stage in a child's life. What he learns from this stage is mostly what will influence how he will be in life.
As what we learned in our earlier Values and Social Studies classes, the family is the basic unit of the society. No family is perfect, but at least it can strive to be a good place for the child to grow in.
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