Human love

This was a text message sent to me last week.


"I guess love does fade. That sometimes the heart gets tired of longing, of hoping. That sometimes, you just have to accept the fact that some things can never be, and that you should be contented with things as they are. Leaving is a choice. Staying is a choice. But you can never really ask someone to stay or to leave. It's a choice they have to make for themselves. Sometimes, no matter how much you beg for someone to stay or how hard you try to make someone leave, you really have no control over what they will choose."

• My recent breakup was something that somewhat unexpectedly made me really break down. I came to the point that I asked these questions: "What if I begged? What if I gave him the right reasons and explained really well? Would he change his mind and take me back?" I know. Retarded, right? Desperate even. Well, yes, I admit I was. But, thankfully, I didn't say these to him.  ~ ..you can never really ask someone to stay.. 

• Another input for this message is about unconditional love vs. human love. Loving without conditions, loving without waiting for anything in return - it is someone everyone would like to have. But, human as we are, we will always wish or probably even need for something to reciprocate the affection. It is said that only God is capable of unconditional love. That no matter how many times we sin or how grave our sins are, He will still accept us. We will always be pure and beautiful in His eyes. But even so, I'd like to believe that some people are capable of unconditional love. Only, most people would think it crazy. It is what they would call "being a martyr". And in the times today, the mentality is that no man or woman is worth it.

Be inspired.

Be grateful that you don't have everything you want.
That means...
You have the opportunity to be happier tomorrow than you are today. (:
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It's better to be cry than to be angry, because anger hurts others while tears flow silently through the soul and cleanses the heart. -Pope John Paul II

from Literature class

These are random thoughts expressed during my Literature class this morning.

Love entails sacrifice.

To love is to make a decision.
You fall in love by chance. You stay in love by choice.*

Love equals compassion.
Compassion is putting yourself in the perspective of the other person as to understand him.

Love is freedom.
It is not forceful nor begged.

Love based on feelings or emotions does not last long, because feelings are ever changing.

Love is always positive.
It rejoices in the happiness of the other person.

_________________________
* - my input (:

Breakups

Sometimes things just don't work out. Relationships fail, and breakups happen.

Nothing is permanent in this world except for change.


It's never easy. And it hurts. It hurts like hell.
And people, maybe even yourself, will tell you things such as: move on, forget him, he doesn't deserve you, you deserve someone better, and so on. Things that are easier said than done.
Sometimes, we want to "move on" so badly that we unconsciously dwell on the bad things, the negative feelings to the point that we start to hate our "ex".


Cry. Cry it all out.
There's no point in hiding it because sooner or later you will have to face the sad reality that you're no longer together.
Cry. And then sleep. By the next day, things will be better. Maybe not completely, but you will at least feel a bit lighter.

You don't have to hate. Of course you will be sad and/or mad about breaking up, but that doesn't mean you have to hate the person. Instead, be thankful. Be thankful that he came into your life and for that moment he was one, maybe most, of the reasons that the world seemed brighter. Think of the happiness he brought you and how you also did the same for him. Sure, it will take time before the two of you get adjusted to your new status as friends, but who says you can't be friends?

- - - - - - - - - -

Things happen. And sometimes, they're beyond our control. Accepting them is not easy but, life goes on.


I don't refer to it as moving on. I'd rather call it moving forward, because somehow that person that just left has become part of who you are.

HR vs. Engineering

Best thing I heard all day.

A student of mine was asking what my major in the university was. I told him it was Human Resource(s) Management and he said that it's very hard compared to engineering.
Now, having failed my higher Calculus and higher Stat, and having engineers as parents, I always thought Engineering was a tough cookie.
But, my student pointed out that HR was more challenging. He said,

"In Engineering, we always have the answers. In HR, you don't."

I realized he was right. In Engineering, they have formulas, equations, then solutions. In HR, on the other hand, you deal with people. And it is always a case-to-case basis with people.

Personally, I'm not saying that one is better than the other since I, myself, think I will not excel in Engineering because of its Maths. That is why I look up to Engineering graduates, just thinking that they are able to survive five years basically eating Math.

Still, I guess I will have to say that it depends on your field of interest, and/or what you do best. C:

Blog post.

Since I haven't been writing for a while, I scanned through the posts of the blogs I follow. Here's a post in a friend's blog. (:

>> All I Hear Is Blah <<

Status: In A Relationship

If you don't see yourself in a long-term relationship with a girl, don't court her.

The same goes for girls. Don't agree to be his girlfriend.
I mean, what's the point of being in a relationship if that's the case?

It's sad that most people nowadays treat relationships like a game. It's like: I like you now so you have to be my girlfriend/boyfriend. And if it doesn't work out, they break up, and that's that.
In most cases, the intention is merely to have that someone to himself.
This isn't what they'd like to call love. It is selfishness.
One can never have somebody for himself. Even when you marry, she can never be entirely yours.

So my point is, the status of being in a relationship has lost its meaning for some people. Or maybe it is because they do not fully understand what it truly means to be in a relationship.

Strangers, Again

Strangers, Again  ~from Wongfu Productions (YouTube)

This video practically explains the stages that every relationship goes through.

I really love everything about this film: the story, the script, how it was very realistic. It shows by how many people responded to it and it got over 3million views in just 5 days.
This makes you really think about relationships and I believe people should watch it.

I personally loved every bit of this video, but my most fave lines are as follows:

 ‎"Being comfortable isn't necessarily bad. It's when we could truly be ourselves. But it depends on what you do with that comfort. Some use it positively, continuing to work at their relationship and grow together, but others allow it to create distance." ~

 ‎"I think that if life separates us and we end up in totally different places, we'll always remember when our paths aligned for this period of time. And I'll be thankful for that. And hope that wherever you are, you'll be thankful too. And I think that's the best we can wish for." ~

Regarding the first statement I posted, it's like after a couple has become comfortable with each other, after they've been accustomed to each other, it's like the relationship gets boring. [watch more from the vid]

On the second statement, it hit right through me because I said something like this when my ex-boyfriend and I broke up.

You can't always land with the right person the first time, but I believe what's important is that, for a time in your life, you have been very happy and that certain person has been a part of your happiness. You'll look back and realize that the relationship you had wasn't a mistake but a part of what will become you. [on the vid: "Do you realize there are only two options for our future together? It's either we break up or get married."]

Something Useful

QUOTES

"If you give up too soon, you'll never know what you're missing. Don't stop when you're tired. Stop when you're done."

"Heaven is not for people who are better than the rest, but for people who sincerely love and try to become better than what they are."

Classroom Thoughts

This was a poem I wrote two years ago.


Class hours go by so slowly
I can't help but feel so lonely
Nothing is getting into my head
I wish I was back in my bed.

I hope I see you today
'Cuz that'll make me okay
For even just the sight of you
Can take away all the blues.

My mind is blank, I step outside
And there you are, waiting for a ride
I smile and continue to gaze
At the sight of your lovely face.

My day is now complete
You can tell by my heartbeat
All the longing and all the pain
Then slowly fade away.


:)

Significant Other.

Soul mate? Maybe. I believe that the one who really is for you is someone who complements you. More than just being able to cheer you up, make you happy, or even accept you for who you are, your significant other should bring out the best in you. He should be able to make yourself want to be better and actually be better.

He won't give us something we can't handle.

In last night's episode of Mara Clara, there was a part where Mara's mom, Susan, was praying for her daughter's recovery. I began to think: She had been through a lot of hardships since the beginning of the show. It was really hard to see her undergo yet another painful moment and shed more tears. And then it struck me. Susan's character is that of a strong woman. Even if she was physically and emotionally put to test a lot of times, she had remained steadfast. The eventual passing of Mara would indeed crush her heart but we all know she will be able to survive it.

In the same way, I believe God does not give us tasks or hardships to go through if He knows we cannot do it. Even if at times, the situation or problem we are facing seems to loom big over us, we must instill in our minds that He will guide us through everything just as long as we keep the faith. We must not give up because He Himself believes we can do it. We must remember this always and never lose hope even when nothing seems to be going right.

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By the way, for those who are wondering, I am Roman Catholic. :)

Compatibility's how you make it.

So you're an Aquarius and I'm a Cancer. The stars say we're not compatible. Even worse, those heavenly bodies say we're the worst signs to be paired in the whole Zodiac. You're adventurous and an out-there kind of person while I'm clingy and emotional. You need space, I need security. It's said that we're total opposites when it comes to what we need from relationships. But hey, enough with the negative. I've read a lot of those, believe me. Yet none of those will dishearten me because I know you are someone I want to be keeping in my life.

Both of us have already noticed our differences, and it does get me thinking, too. In the end, I'm always reminded of the times when we talk and we understand each other so well. And I really appreciate it that I can talk to you. I still remember before when you told me that there are things it seems only us can comprehend.

---

 I have told you that I feel like I'm not being a girlfriend to you. I think I can explain that thought now. It's like this: I'm emotional and clingy, and you don't like emotional and clingy. I think it's because I'm naturally like that, and for me to not be like that, it feels, well, unnatural. Still complicated? Yeah I thought so too.

You know, our relationship has taught me things. And it isn't easy. I was used to certain things and when I was exposed to the "not-clingy" ways, it felt different.

"Cancer's constant need for love, attention and security may be too much for the Aquarian to live with, while the Aquarian's excessive need for freedom may appear to Cancer as a sign of detachment."

I did go through some emotional turmoils (? - pretty heavy term, I think) and a hell lot of confusion. Still, I tried to understand everything. I reasoned out to myself, even sometimes I simply wouldn't think about it. Also, I'm not so much with the "constant need .." blahs anymore. As much as possible, I try not to, as to not smother you.

So yes, when everything was telling me it's a no-no, I decided to ignore them and let us decide for ourselves.

I know we'll have our share of misunderstandings but I believe we can get through all of them together, just like we did with the ones that already came.

I have faith in us and I'm willing to stand by you no matter what. I cannot promise that I will be perfect as there will be times that my patience will not be as long as I want it to be. But for whatever, I will try my very best to be understanding and be there for you.

Don't dumb yourself down.

In Yes! Magazine's February issue featuring the wedding of Ogie Alcasid and Regine Velasquez, Regine stated in the interview:

"Mataas ang standards ko. Why not? Pili nga ako ng sapatos na isusuot ko lang sa paa ko, e --may takong pa 'yon, a, 'tsaka masakit 'yon-- katakot-takot na ritwal, di ba? Makeup lang ilalagay ko lang sa mukha ko, tatanggalin ko din 'yan --kung ano-anong ritwal, di ba? Ultimo nga shampoo, di ba? 'Tapos, 'yong tao pa na makakasama mo buong buhay mo, bababaan mo standard mo?"

What Regine was trying to convey was that one shouldn't lower down his/her standards when it comes to choosing their partner. She mentioned that even when she is choosing shoes, or makeup that she applies to her face and will eventually remove she already goes through a lot of process, how much more when it comes to someone you will be with for the rest of your life.

There's a saying that goes: As one becomes smarter it becomes harder for him/her to find a partner since his/her standards have changed or have become higher. Because of this, there are people who just throw their standards out the window because they are afraid of being alone. They want (and oftentimes constantly) want someone in their lives that most of the time, even though they nag about how hard it is to be with a person, they still continue being with that person. They develop a need for a constant companion that sometimes it's not healthy anymore. I believe that it is so not right to dumb yourself down just to be with or to stay long with someone. If they want to be a part of your life, they will be.

30-second read: Loss

"At the end of life, we'll find that the only things we lost were those we tried to keep."

Because those things we deem significant are those that we hold on to. Only the things that matter to us are what we consider losses when gone.

On Anger

"Anger is just a cowardly extension of sadness.

It's a lot easier to be angry at someone than to tell them you're hurt."


I was sent this text message by a friend and my first thought was: denial. I said, that sometimes this happens because you're in denial about being affected by something. You do not admit to others, to the person involved, or even to yourself that you are hurt. Instead, you get mad. As the statement tells us: it is a cowardly extension of sadness.

More Than Just An Option

Last December, two of my friends both sent me a text message. Somehow, I related to it and so I'd like to share it here.


"If someone wants to be part of your life, they'd make an effort to be in it. So don't bother reserving a space in your heart for someone who doesn't make an effort to stay."

"If you spend too long holding on to the one who treats you like an option, you'll miss finding the one who treats you like a priority."


I'd just like to relate this to those people who hold on to someone even if that someone is treating you like poop. It's when you feel like in your relationship, all the effort is coming from you. You need him to make an effort but you guess he's too busy with important things so you let it pass, but then the next time it happens, you start whining again how he's not treating you right but hey, you're still with him.
One question though: Aren't you important to him too?

One of my older friends once told me that this shouldn't be a problem. In a REAL relationship, there is no need to be a so-called "martyr". Because in a REAL loving relationship, there should be give-and-take. Okay, given that he indeed is so busy, he should still at least be able to allocate even just a little time to inform you what he's doing. Even if it's just to say he's busy with whatever and that he misses you.

So yes, if that person doesn't treat you like you're a priority, then what are you still doing in his life?
If he wants you, he'll reach out to you. If he wants to see you, he'll find a way. If he wants to spend time with you, he'll make time. But of course, this works both ways. This doesn't mean the guy is the only one who will make an effort. As I said, give-and-take relationship.

Loving means giving without expecting for anything in return. But if you are in a relationship, it is given that both of you love each other. Thus, both of you should give.

On Marriage and On Upbringing

I watched The Bottomline with Boy Abunda last Saturday. The guest was Miss Angel Aquino. During their interview/conversation, Boy Abunda asked Angel if she was ready to settle down or get married with her current boyfriend. She said something like: Alam naman niya (the boyfriend) na I don't need a man in my life. .. As long as two people are going in the same direction at nagkakaintindihan sila, I think there's no need for marriage. [He knows that I don't need a man in my life. .. As long as two people are going in the same direction and they understand each other, I think there's no need for marriage.]

What Angel was trying to say is she doesn't need those "official" wedding / marriage vows. Most people would definitely disagree, knowing Filipinos since it is in the culture to get married.

Boy mentioned that one reason people want to get married is because they need security. I'm not saying that all people who get married are insecure. Sometimes, it's just what they are used to. Culture, as I was saying.

I admit, I admire those people who don't get married because most of the time it shows they are secure in their relationship with their partner. They do not fear of the possibility that their partner might leave them. As for me, I'm quite the insecure type so I would definitely want to get married when I'm older. I also don't want my future children to be illegitimate. (And also because I want to experience that big white wedding.)

Based on the conversation they had, I think one reason Angel does not want to get married is because of what she went through when she was a child. They were her father's second (or third?) family, and she often saw her mother being battered by her father. And in her younger years, she thought that was normal. It was narrated that sometimes her father's other families or kids would stay in their house. She also did not question since her mother did not really say much.

I told my mother about this and she told me about how a person becomes how he is. She said that 80% is on upbringing (family), 10% is peers and/or external environment, and 10% is the person's life decisions.

A family's upbringing is very important. From ages 4-9, this is the most critical stage in a child's life. What he learns from this stage is mostly what will influence how he will be in life.

As what we learned in our earlier Values and Social Studies classes, the family is the basic unit of the society. No family is perfect, but at least it can strive to be a good place for the child to grow in.