Friday, February 22, 2013

Why am I skinny?

Many people ask me, “Why are you so skinny?” Still a lot say, “Good for you, you are skinny.”

You know, it’s not all that good. But before I answer the question, let's take a brief photo trip.


This is an old photo I’ve managed to dig out from the old albums. This probably the chubbiest (?) I've been in. You can see the date on the bottom left. I'm the one in the pink and blue outfit at 4 years old. 

The next photos are more recent ones.

thin and tiny (at 5 feet)

(above) Doesn't really show, but that's how deep my collarbones are. They're probably deeper now, since I haven't had proper meal times in two weeks or so.
(below) Here you can see half of my spine. It shows through more on the bottom half though.

from a photoshoot with Nawe

I've only experienced chubby in my younger years (from which I have no memory of), and since then, thin was me.

I'm not saying that being skinny is bad. What I'm trying to convey is more on the health side of the issue. Whether you're fat or thin or somewhere in between, what matters most is whether you are healthy or not.

So now, let me answer the question.

I am skinny/thin because of most, if not all, of the following reasons:
  • Fast metabolism. Food gets digested so fast in my tummy.
  • Eating so little. I am not in any kind of diet. I am just a picky eater, meaning I eat what I feel like eating at the moment. And since I don’t have much to spend on what I like to eat, I don’t usually get to eat a lot. Also, I don’t think my tummy has much room for a lot of food all the time. I rarely pig out.
  • Not eating at the right time. I usually skip breakfast (take note: most important meal of the day!) because I usually have no time to eat in the morning. If I stay at home for the day, I sleep through breakfast and lunch, and eat brunch in the afternoon instead.
  • Sleeping so late. So this is why I sleep through those meals, and why I rush every morning.
  • I have a small built. My aunt, who is a doctor, once told me that I have a small built and my body simply does not allow me to store that much fat, I guess.

As you can see, most of my reasons are due to an unhealthy lifestyle. I do not wish to be unhealthy, of course. Health is wealth. And no matter how much you have, if you don't have the best of health, you won't be able to enjoy life fully.

I know that not eating is probably the fastest way to lose weight, but I tell you, DO NOT do this. This will make you VERY unhealthy and can cause very painful stomach problems, like ulcer and gastro-something, as well as long-term health issues.
I've had ulcer a couple of times and, I'm telling you, it is not something you would want to experience. The very painful burning sensation in your stomach is most certainly not fun. I had a school mate before who wanted to lose weight so much, she didn't eat properly for two months and she ended up being hospitalized.
Losing weight can be done the right way by consulting a doctor. A special kind of diet can be made for you according to the needs of your body.

Sure being skinny has its advantages, such as being able to get into small spaces easily (crowded places, hide and seek), and not taking up too much space in the jeepney, but I most definitely wish to gain weight. Not only because I need to get off the underweight scale, but also to minimize the disadvantages of having even the smallest size clothes not fitting me (thin + petite frame), and to feel confident about myself. I won't feel as "fragile" as I do today.

However, I am struggling to gain weight. Some people think it’s easier to gain weight than to lose it, but only few realize that both are hard. Sometimes, people just have this fast metabolism, small bone structure, genes, or a very busy schedule that keeps them from putting on the proper weight. I'd like to correct the notion that skinny people have it easier. Because we don't. And some of us actually would like that so-called "fat transplant" if ever that was possible.

Sunday, February 10, 2013

Personal Blog

Yesterday afternoon, as I was preparing to leave the house, clothed, with makeup and all, I looked at the mirror for a last time.

I realized -- I look so mean.
I wasn't sure if it was the makeup or I really do look strict.
Some say I do though, but that's besides the point.

I didn't have much makeup on, really. I just did my eyebrows, had on a little eyeliner, mascara, blush, and not-so-red lipstick. I know it sounds much, but girls will know this is just the basics.

So anyway, I looked at myself, and much to my surprise, I felt fake. I suddenly felt like I had too much makeup on, and I wasn't happy. I felt like it wasn't me anymore.

Believe me, I have nothing against makeup. I think makeup's fun and allows you to be creative and all that. And the ones I mentioned above are actually what I put on everyday to school (sans eyeliner and mascara, which I only wear sometimes).

But for some reason, I felt weird. I wondered why I bother putting on so much makeup every single time I go out of the house. I mean, I've already tried going to school once with just BB cream and lipbalm (VERY minimal, believe me) and I wasn't treated any differently. Sure it felt weird, but at that time, I didn't feel the urge to at least do my brows. It felt freeing, to tell you honestly.

I began to wonder when I'll be contented to go out and not be pressured to look "appropriate".

I looked at the mirror again and contemplated on minimizing my makeup. In the end, I decided against it.

Hmmm.
Maybe one day. But that day's not yet today.