Don't Blame Your Mum

So your dad's an alcoholic. Probably even takes drugs.
He hurts you physically. He nags and complains about problems that don't seem to end.
He points his gun at you, at your sister, your brother, or at your mum.

He makes your already dysfunctional family even more dysfunctional.

And then you begin to ask.

Why did Mum even marry this guy?
What did she see in him that made her think this was a man she wanted to be with her whole life?

Don't blame your mum.

She didn't know either.

When she was deciding on marrying, she had found in your dad someone who was capable of being her partner in raising a family. She had found an ally, a best friend, perhaps an ideal man.
But who knew that it would turn out this way? Not you. And neither did she.

So don't try to change what --or who-- refuses to change.
If you already did everything from trying to talk to him, seeking help from others like his relatives maybe, then the problem is with him. If he does not want to change, then you are in a losing situation.

"The only time you can change a man is when he is a baby."
If he himself does not want to help himself and try to fix his relationship with your family, then there's pretty much nothing you can do for him.



*Perhaps prayer can help. :)

On Love and On Falling in Love

Courtesy of brainpickings.org :)

1.)

New York
November 10, 1958

Dear Thom:

We had your letter this morning. I will answer it from my point of view and of course Elaine will from hers.

First — if you are in love — that’s a good thing — that’s about the best thing that can happen to anyone. Don’t let anyone make it small or light to you.

Second — There are several kinds of love. One is a selfish, mean, grasping, egotistical thing which uses love for self-importance. This is the ugly and crippling kind. The other is an outpouring of everything good in you — of kindness and consideration and respect — not only the social respect of manners but the greater respect which is recognition of another person as unique and valuable. The first kind can make you sick and small and weak but the second can release in you strength, and courage and goodness and even wisdom you didn’t know you had.

You say this is not puppy love. If you feel so deeply — of course it isn’t puppy love.

But I don’t think you were asking me what you feel. You know better than anyone. What you wanted me to help you with is what to do about it — and that I can tell you.

Glory in it for one thing and be very glad and grateful for it.

The object of love is the best and most beautiful. Try to live up to it.

If you love someone — there is no possible harm in saying so — only you must remember that some people are very shy and sometimes the saying must take that shyness into consideration.

Girls have a way of knowing or feeling what you feel, but they usually like to hear it also.

It sometimes happens that what you feel is not returned for one reason or another — but that does not make your feeling less valuable and good.

Lastly, I know your feeling because I have it and I’m glad you have it.

We will be glad to meet Susan. She will be very welcome. But Elaine will make all such arrangements because that is her province and she will be very glad to. She knows about love too and maybe she can give you more help than I can.

And don’t worry about losing. If it is right, it happens — The main thing is not to hurry. Nothing good gets away.

Love,

Fa

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2.)

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