Habits and Laziness

Habits.
Things you do that have become natural to you.
Oftentimes viewed as something essential to your living.

But not all of them are good.

Others destroy you.
They prevent you from progress.
They make you not do those truly essential things and then make you think it's okay.

Laziness.
Yes. Everyone's familiar with this.
We all have our lazy moments.
And sometimes it's good, you know.
It's healthy to allow yourself a lazy day or two, especially when you've been working super hard on that all-important project that'll reward you with something that'll allow you to fill your family's stomachs.

But most times, lazy is attributed to negativity.
And this is what we're going to talk about here.

Sometimes, we get tired and we allow ourselves to be lazy.
And as I've said, it's not at all bad.
But as with other things, we have to do this with moderation.

Now, possibly the worst kind is when this laziness becomes habitual.
There's something you have to do, and then you stall on it.
You think that there's always tomorrow or later to do it.
And then it becomes like this every single time!

It even comes to the point that when you get pressured to do something, you just can't handle the stress and instead of doing it right then and there, your brain sort-of shuts down and pretends it doesn't have anything to do!
In the end, you don't do anything at all.
Because you know it's easier to just give up than to exert effort.

There you go.
Another day wasted on thinking about the things you have to do.
JUST THINKING about them and how hard they are to do and NOT ACTUALLY DOING anything.

You Always Hurt The One You Love

Disclaimer: Not my work/words. Hope you like this though. :)

You always hurt the one you love, the one you should not hurt at all;You always take the sweetest rose, and crush it till the petals fall;You always break the kindest heart, with a hasty word you can't recall;So if I broke your heart last night, it's because I love you most of all. (The Mills Brothers)

It is easy to understand why someone who doesn't love another person might break the heart of this person-when we do not love those who love us, we are likely to hurt them. However, the above song refers to hurting the one we do love. How can one both love and hurt the same person?

Lovers can easily hurt the beloved without intending to do so. Because the lovers are so significant to each other, any innocent remark or action can be interpreted in a manner that the other person did not intend and hence be hurtful. For instance, someone might devote a lot of time to her work, thereby neglecting, and inadvertently hurting, her partner. The more time two people spend together, the greater the likelihood that this will occur. Our beloveds hold great significance for us and this makes these people a source of both great happiness and deep sadness; they can bring us great joy, but they can also hurt us deeply.

In situations in which we have nothing of value to lose, we seldom experience disappointment. In love, which involves our happiness and many of our most precious experiences, there is a great deal to lose. Hence, disappointment and frustration, and consequently hurt, are common. It has been said that completely blissful love does not exist. Indeed, in a survey of over 500 lovers, almost all of them assumed that passionate love is a bittersweet experience. Similarly, it has been found that people low in defensiveness have more experiences of love than do highly defensive people. This link suggests that to love is to make oneself vulnerable in ways that enhance the possibility of pain.

These and other considerations indicate how easily you can hurt the one you love without intending to do so. However, the explanation for deliberately hurting the person you love is far more complex. Certainly, one major factor in hurting the beloved deliberately is related to the central role that mutual dependency plays in love.

Mutual dependency may exist in inappropriate proportions: lovers can consider their dependency on the partner to be too great or too little. Hurting the beloved may be one resort, usually the last one, which the lover takes to bring this dependency to its appropriate proportion. Mutual dependency has many advantages, stemming from the fact that two people are joined together in a relationship attempting to increase each other's happiness. However, a sense of independence is also important for people's self-esteem. Indeed, in a study of anger, the most common motive for its generation was to assert authority or independence, or to improve self-image. Anger has been perceived as a useful means to strengthen or readjust a relationship.

This type of behavior is frequent in the child-parent relationship: children often hurt parents in order to express their independence. This behavior is also part of romantic love in which mutual dependence may threaten each partner's independence. Sometimes lovers hurt their beloved in order to show their independence. Other times, however, hurting the beloved expresses an opposite wish: the lover's wish for more dependency and attention. Indeed, a common complaint of married women, far more than of married men, is that their partners do not spend enough time with them.

By hurting the beloved, the lover wishes to signal that their mutual relationship, and in particular their mutual dependency, should be modified. Hurting the beloved may be the last alarm bell that warns of the lover's difficulties; it is an extreme measure signaling urgency. If the relationship is strong enough, as the lover wishes it to be, it should sustain this measure. A less extreme and more common measure employed is that of moodiness. Moodiness, which imposes a small cost on the relationship, may function as both an alarm bell and as an assessment device to test the strength of the bond. Love involves a dynamic process of mutual adaptation, but not all adaptive processes are smooth and enjoyable; hurting the beloved is an example in kind.

Another consideration in light of which the lover may sometimes hurt the beloved is related to the lack of indifference in love. Since the lover greatly cares for the beloved and their mutual relationship, the lover cannot be indifferent toward anything that may harm the beloved, their relationship, or the lover's own situation. This lack of indifference toward the beloved may lead the lover to take measures which hurt the other when viewed within a partial perspective, but can be seen as beneficial from a global perspective. This is the painful side of care: a close connection exists between people who help and hurt as well. In the same way that improving the quality and happiness of our lives may demand some suffering, improving the quality and happiness of our beloved's life may require such suffering.

As for people who love us but whom we do not love, we may be indifferent, or at least would not harbor such a deep overall concern. Accordingly, we may not bother to help them by hurting them. Therefore, people in love prefer to be hurt by the beloved rather than be treated with indifference. Jose Ortega y Gasset says that the person in love "prefers the anguish which her beloved causes her to painless indifference." Similarly, the saying goes that it is better to break someone's heart than to do nothing with it. Concerning those who are near and dear, we prefer anger to indifference.

I do not want to say, as Oscar Wilde did, that "each man kills the thing he loves"; however, hurting one's beloved is frequent. Since the beloved is a major source of happiness, this person is also a major threat to our happiness: more than anyone else, the beloved can ruin our happiness. Similarly, the security involved in love goes together with the fear of losing that security. Feeling happy is often bound up with the fear of losing that happiness. Caring for the beloved sometimes goes together with hurting the beloved.

Love is closely connected with vulnerability: the ability to hurt and to be hurt. Although some kinds of hurt in love are intended, most of them are not.

Nevertheless, someone who deliberately hurts another person can simultaneously claim to love that person. The phenomenon of emotional ambivalence, stemming from the presence of two different evaluative perspectives, can account for such a possibility. The lack of indifference and mutual dependency typical of love suggests why this frequently occurs in love.

The above considerations can be encapsulated in the following statement that a lover might express: "Darling, although this article has given you some justification to hurt me, I am still not sure you are doing it out of your profound love for me."

From: Aaron Ben-Zeév

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/in-the-name-love/201010/you-always-hurt-the-one-you-love

~

Posted on my FB page dated 12 October 2010. :)

#throwback

P.S. Been very busy with final exams. Will be back soon. ;D

Your love should never be offered.

Posted this on my Facebook on February 19, 2012.

:: Originally from http://paulocoelhoblog.com/2012/02/18/your-love-should-never/

~

Love sometimes wants to do us a great favor: hold us upside down and shake all the nonsense out.

Your love

Should never be offered to the mouth of a stranger,

Only to someone who has the valor and daring

To cut pieces of their soul off with a knife

Then weave them into a blanket

To protect you.

Stay close to any sounds that make you glad you are alive.

Ever since happiness heard your name, it has been running through the streets trying to find you.

I wish I could show you when you are lonely or in the darkness, the astonishing light of your own being.

There are different wells within your heart.

Some fill with each good rain,

Others are far too deep for that.

Fear is the cheapest room in the house. I would like to see you living in better conditions.

Even after all this time the sun never says to the Earth, “You owe me.”

There is no pleasure without a tincture of bitterness.

~by: Hafez

Why am I skinny?

Many people ask me, “Why are you so skinny?” Still a lot say, “Good for you, you are skinny.”

You know, it’s not all that good. But before I answer the question, let's take a brief photo trip.

This is an old photo I’ve managed to dig out from the old albums. This probably the chubbiest (?) I've been in. You can see the date on the bottom left. I'm the one in the pink and blue outfit at 4 years old. 

The next photos are more recent ones.

thin and tiny (at 5 feet)

(above) Doesn't really show, but that's how deep my collarbones are. They're probably deeper now, since I haven't had proper meal times in two weeks or so.

(below) Here you can see half of my spine. It shows through more on the bottom half though.

from a photoshoot with Nawe

I've only experienced chubby in my younger years (from which I have no memory of), and since then, thin was me.

I'm not saying that being skinny is bad. What I'm trying to convey is more on the health side of the issue. Whether you're fat or thin or somewhere in between, what matters most is whether you are healthy or not.

So now, let me answer the question.

I am skinny/thin because of most, if not all, of the following reasons:

• Fast metabolism. Food gets digested so fast in my tummy.
• Eating so little. I am not in any kind of diet. I am just a picky eater, meaning I eat what I feel like eating at the moment. And since I don’t have much to spend on what I like to eat, I don’t usually get to eat a lot. Also, I don’t think my tummy has much room for a lot of food all the time. I rarely pig out.
• Not eating at the right time. I usually skip breakfast (take note: most important meal of the day!) because I usually have no time to eat in the morning. If I stay at home for the day, I sleep through breakfast and lunch, and eat brunch in the afternoon instead.
• Sleeping so late. So this is why I sleep through those meals, and why I rush every morning.
• I have a small built. My aunt, who is a doctor, once told me that I have a small built and my body simply does not allow me to store that much fat, I guess.

As you can see, most of my reasons are due to an unhealthy lifestyle. I do not wish to be unhealthy, of course. Health is wealth. And no matter how much you have, if you don't have the best of health, you won't be able to enjoy life fully.

I know that not eating is probably the fastest way to lose weight, but I tell you, DO NOT do this. This will make you VERY unhealthy and can cause very painful stomach problems, like ulcer and gastro-something, as well as long-term health issues.
I've had ulcer a couple of times and, I'm telling you, it is not something you would want to experience. The very painful burning sensation in your stomach is most certainly not fun. I had a school mate before who wanted to lose weight so much, she didn't eat properly for two months and she ended up being hospitalized.
Losing weight can be done the right way by consulting a doctor. A special kind of diet can be made for you according to the needs of your body.

Sure being skinny has its advantages, such as being able to get into small spaces easily (crowded places, hide and seek), and not taking up too much space in the jeepney, but I most definitely wish to gain weight. Not only because I need to get off the underweight scale, but also to minimize the disadvantages of having even the smallest size clothes not fitting me (thin + petite frame), and to feel confident about myself. I won't feel as "fragile" as I do today.

However, I am struggling to gain weight. Some people think it’s easier to gain weight than to lose it, but only few realize that both are hard. Sometimes, people just have this fast metabolism, small bone structure, genes, or a very busy schedule that keeps them from putting on the proper weight. I'd like to correct the notion that skinny people have it easier. Because we don't. And some of us actually would like that so-called "fat transplant" if ever that was possible.

Personal Blog

Yesterday afternoon, as I was preparing to leave the house, clothed, with makeup and all, I looked at the mirror for a last time.

I realized -- I look so mean.
I wasn't sure if it was the makeup or I really do look strict.
Some say I do though, but that's besides the point.

I didn't have much makeup on, really. I just did my eyebrows, had on a little eyeliner, mascara, blush, and not-so-red lipstick. I know it sounds much, but girls will know this is just the basics.

So anyway, I looked at myself, and much to my surprise, I felt fake. I suddenly felt like I had too much makeup on, and I wasn't happy. I felt like it wasn't me anymore.

Believe me, I have nothing against makeup. I think makeup's fun and allows you to be creative and all that. And the ones I mentioned above are actually what I put on everyday to school (sans eyeliner and mascara, which I only wear sometimes).

But for some reason, I felt weird. I wondered why I bother putting on so much makeup every single time I go out of the house. I mean, I've already tried going to school once with just BB cream and lipbalm (VERY minimal, believe me) and I wasn't treated any differently. Sure it felt weird, but at that time, I didn't feel the urge to at least do my brows. It felt freeing, to tell you honestly.

I began to wonder when I'll be contented to go out and not be pressured to look "appropriate".

I looked at the mirror again and contemplated on minimizing my makeup. In the end, I decided against it.

Hmmm.
Maybe one day. But that day's not yet today.

You are beautiful because . .

At times when you feel like you are one ugly duckling, remember that there is at least one person who will always think that you are a beautiful swan. :)

Read this letter from Emma Johnson to her daughter, and be inspired.

*saw this on Ang Evangelio ni Paolo. Original article from Huffington Post.

Dear Helena,

One day when you were a baby, Aunt Tina and I were smooching all over you. After all, what's better than kissing a baby -- all that smooth, perfect skin, those rolls of fat, all that love that just oozes out of them? Kisses and kisses and kisses. "We're giving her extra kisses now so she can store them for times in her life when she might not have as many kisses," Tina said. That was exactly right.

Now you are nearly 5 and you rarely let me kiss you like that any more. But, as you know, I like to tell you every single day that you are beautiful -- for much of the same reason. Helena, I hope you read this when you are 14, and 24, and 44 and 84. I need you to know that you are beautiful. Because you are.

I was involved once with a man who let me know that he did not find me beautiful. When we first met he told me how it bothered his ex-wife that in the decades they were together, he never once told her she was beautiful. "She just wasn't to me," he said with a shrug. "Sure, she was cute. But not beautiful."

How strange, I thought. How absolutely cruel.

From then on I was acutely aware of his miserly use of that word. On the one hand, he used it freely when describing past lovers or starlets. Yet every single compliment about my appearance from this man became an insult. There were an abundance of words of admiration, yet every, "You're pretty today," and, "You look summery in that dress," became nasty, digging reminders that I was not, indeed, beautiful.

I see now that he was mistaken.

Helena, here is what I need you to know: To this day I carry a shame with me for two things related to that chapter:

1. I started to feel ugly. That was my choice. No one allowed this happen but me. But I did.
2. I stayed.

Helena, in your life you will meet many men, and some of them will not find you pretty at all. And maybe you aren't to them -- and that is totally fine! Who cares if they don't like your appearance? Such things are but a matter of taste. But let me tell you something -- you are so, so beautiful. It is not your big, curious brown eyes, those incredible eyes framed with magnificent brows and impossible lashes. You are not beautiful because of your dashing smile, the poreless olive skin or that elegant, mysterious triangle of small beauty marks that spot your face.

No, you are beautiful because of that thing -- that perfect thing inside of you. It is that same thing that is in your brother, and in snowflakes, and when you and your friends laugh on the playground, or when the morning is quiet for a moment and we see the pink and blue clouds above the city. It is inside of me, too. And it is something bigger than you and me. God? Love? The Universe? All of those things -- and other things. Things that do not have words.

And when some man lets you know that, no, sorry, you're really great and all, but you are not beautiful, you need to know that has nothing at all to do with you. Not one thing. It has something to do with that man because he cannot see. And because you are beautiful you will be kind to him -- because in all your beauty you will have that kindness and love to share.

And then you will go.

And you will find someone else, or you will be alone. But no matter what, I hope you know always -- effortlessly and unconsciously -- that you are beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful.

All my beautiful love and more,

Mommy

New Year's Resolutions

Would it be too late to write one? .. Anyways ..

1. Perfect attendance in ALL my classes. I'm just your average student, you know. There are classes I like and those that I don't. Sometimes it's the course itself, sometimes it's the teacher. However, it is our responsibility as students to be diligent in school, and this includes religiously attending classes (unless of course your teacher says it's okay not to attend all the time; well that's another story..). Moving on..
2. Be kind-er to ze maid-u. I just wanted to say it that way, so yeah. You can read my previous post about this situation. Well yes, I've realized that when you get upset by something or someone, it just shows that you are affected by it/him/her. I've also read recently in a meme in the ever-knowing Facebook that the less you care, the happier you will be. And, I realize that if I give in to whatever negative feeling I have, it will still be me suffering through it all. So better move on, and just be positive. Good vibes, baby! ;)
3. Have a planner again. I had planners before but I got discouraged after this one well-loved planner of mine got lost when we had a trip to Manila (2004?). But now, I got an awesome Starbucks planner from my mum, and nice things sure get me going. Haha! See the planner here. So now, I pledge to write more and make this one also some kind of a journal to put my thoughts in. Looking forward to the next one next year! :D

Hmm. I think that would be it. If I think of others, I might just edit this post. For now, things are looking fine and I promise to carry good vibes all the time. It really helps to think positively, and if I am able to share this with others, that would be such a blessing. And, of course, we should never forget to thank God for all that He has given us, and to continuously ask for His guidance.

Have a prosperous 2013, everyone! God bless you always. :)